AIR AND BREATH: WHAT MY MOTHER DIDN'T GIVE ME

My parents are primarily responsible for my existence.  My Dad had a microscopic contribution during one fleeting moment in time.  My Mother had a rather longer contribution known as pregnancy.  She donated her body as a factory that in nine to ten months produced me.  All that happened back in 1967-68.   But there is one thing they couldn’t give me.  I had to leave my mother and be terminated from her life support system in order to embrace the very substance that would sustain me for the rest of my life.   

A quick wikipedia search tells me that substance consists of 78% Nitrogen, 20.9% Oxygen, 0.9% Argon, 0.04% Carbon Dioxide, and the remainder  of other gases like Neon, Helium, Krypton, Hydrogen, Xenon, Methane, Nitrous Oxide, Ozone, Iodine, Ammonia.  And then there is water vapour that contributes to the mix depending on the moisture available .  This is what we call air.  

This is what I gasped for when my umbilical cord was cut.  I had no thoughts to think, I had no decisions to make.  My lungs and diaphragm had been growing and preparing for this task.  When the synapses in my infant brain were told that mother was no longer available, my respiratory system was activated to reach for air.  

I could spend the next few hours or days trying to wrap my head around the  science of childbirth, but since I didn’t remember my own birth and since I didn’t experience it myself as a mother, it’s not that big of an interest to me.  I was born, I continued to exist because of air and because I could breathe.  So it is breath that now grabs my attention.  It becomes a companion in my journey of life.  It has it’s energy and it’s own strength.  It wants to be a  loyal friend, but I need to give it its space to do its job.  If I try to hold it, it doesn’t want to help me.  If I find myself in a place where it can’t reach me,  it won’t be there for long.  It needs me as much as I need it.  

For me at this time of my life, understanding the science behind something can be interesting for a while, it just doesn’t hold my interest for too long.  I want to have an additional narrative to embrace so the value is maintained long term.  Call it my imagination, but it works for me.  I really don’t need to know the molecular details as much as I feel the need to embrace the story and it’s value in my life.  Maybe it gives me common ground with those whose narrative is all they need.  I still can’t see this world as all science or all story.  I continue to hope that one day we can find a balance that isn’t going to destroy each other in the process.